HELLO FRIENDS!

This journal is public but just leave a comment if you want to be friends (the more the merrier!). You know, the basic stuff (name, where'd you see me, etc.). I may tend to be boring though and some of my posts are rants, so beware :) </font></div>

4 letters cannot justify one big word's grandiosity.

Because with it comes happiness. Ecstasy. Contentment. Complacency. Pain. Tears. Smiles. Laughs. Strength. Butterflies in your stomach. Eye-twitching.

It makes you jump for joy. Squirm in discomfort. Tremble with fear. Sleep in peace. Awaken with expectations. Wiggle your toes. Giggle when no one's looking.

These still aren't enough to describe its grandiosity.

And I wrote all of these.

Just to say.

I _____ you.




Just because 4 letters cannot justify what I feel for you.

It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

Yes or No?

I forgot to submit a college application form. And the test's tomorrow. OMG. I am counting on 3 universities. Please, please, please God. I swear I'll be good.

BTW. I am so SORRY everyone for being on hiatus and not being able to post comments or reply to comments. Work sucks, but I'm loving every bit of senior year :)

i feel so unwanted.

hug me please

If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
'cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you, oh please
Don't run and hide
If I love you too, oh please
Don't hurt my pride like her
'cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you
And that she will cry
When she learns we are two
cause I couldn't stand the pain
and I would be sad if our new love was in vain

so I hope you see that I
would love to love you
and that she will cry when she learns we are two.




If I fell in love with you

It really hit me hard. Why should I give a damn, when you don't even give a fuck about me? I mean, why do I want to hold on to someone who I know does not appreciate anything I do? I freed myself from the chains that bound me to you. It's hard, losing the person I trust the most. Although I'd never say it straight to your face, you really are the person I could tell ANYTHING to. I'm sure you know that. It'll be hard, trying to find someone to replace you. Actually, no one will EVER replace you. That's what hurts the most. You're the best, and I can't have you. I can't keep chasing you, because it hurts me too much. I've been eating less, losing focus, all because of you.

Sometimes, I wonder if this is happening to you too. Do you even think about me? Do you remember all the things? And then I realize I'm fooling myself. I'm not that important anyways. It really gets me going when I see you and you see me, but all we can do is nod our heads to say hi. Is that really all we have left? A little hi's and hello's? I never would have imagined before that I would feel this way about a friend. I hate the melodrama, but it's the kind of friendship wherein you learn to love. I guess I can thank you for that. You are so accepting and understanding, and I love you for that. But with how things are going, it hurts. Really. So I guess this is goodbye.


P.S. I'm always here if you need me. Just because we're not friends anymore, doesn't mean I've stopped loving you.

I will never be to you what you are to me.

Unrequited.

What do you do when you want something that you know you'll never have?

What do you do when you love someone who'll never love you back?

What do you do when you know all your efforts are going nowhere?

You lost. Just accept it. You don't even deserve it.

Let me get this straight. You think EVERYONE likes you. You think that no one would stand up to you.

Well, I am. And I won't back down. You're wrong, you're a bitch, you have a bad attitude. You're a skunk (and a skank too), a jealous monster. Eat some dirt, 'cause I won't let you win.

Better watch your back, asshole. I'm coming to get you. 

People usually see me generally as a happy person, the one who's always smiling, cracking jokes, and being able to lighten up the mood in any room. That's why it came as a surprise when one of my friends reprimanded me once for being too distant and accused me of having trust problems.

At first I was really taken aback and very offended. How did he have the nerve to judge me?

Well, I guess I reacted that way because I didn't want to admit to myself that he was able to describe me, right at the bull's eye. I don't really know why I have such a big trust problem, but it's just that I hate having to share my problems with other people. It's just that I have this thought lingering at the back of my mind, telling me that other people have their own problems.

I'm sorry I never told you, but when you asked me how I was, I was ecstatic. And now it hurts because it seems that you fail to see what lies behind the smiles I flash nowadays.

So it's around 1 A.M. and her I am staring at the screen, waiting for my friend to finish his damn proposal so that I can share my day with him. See, I'm such a good friend. And I need this out of my system, but fuck, if it were me: BROS over WORK. Any day, man. Hope you learn that valuable lesson, too.

Argh. I am so drained and my inner-side forearm hurts. I hope it isn't anything serious like carpal tunnel or anything, but bah. The pain comes back and forth.

Damn. I've been waiting since NINE PEE-EM, and he's still not done with his work? LIAR! FRIENDSHIP OVER.

Have a good day everyone.

A flurry of arrows shot at my back. Faint whispers fill the air, creating this irritating noise which makes my eyes twitch. I want to fall to the ground and just lie there.


But I won't make them see they're winning.

Something inside me, jealousy perhaps, was ripping me in two; my heart in one hand and my head on the other, I felt like bursting into tears, regardless of how many people were inside the room.

Why do I feel that way? Why do I feel this rush of blood to the head whenever I see you having fun with other people. Maybe it's because I blame myself for our failed friendship. Can you blame me? I've been trying to save the little that we had left, but really, it felt like trying to collect water into a cupped hand. You kept slipping away and I was never able to grab hold of you again.

It feels sad to lose such a great friend like you. Last night I prayed for you to be happy, even if I wasn't part of the picture. That's really all I want now. Maybe I'm not the friend you need. But right now, I need you so much.

I remember the times I used to call you late at night and you would listen. That honesty between us, where has it gone? When I remember those times, my eyes swell and tears flow down my cheeks, but as quickly as they come down, I wipe them off. What's the use of crying? I'll never find a friend as great as you. And I'll never forgive myself for failing to save our friendship.